American Girl

She waits another week to fall apart...

If there must be trouble, let it be in my day, that my child may have peace. ~ Thomas Paine

In the mom handbook which I wish someone would write already, surely there will be a warning about taking your two year old on a ride called "Snow White's Scary Adventure".  Certainly there will be a blurb or two about paying close attention to the big sign above the entrance that lists the actual name of the ride, (including the actual word "scary" as a clue) and perhaps mention of checking out the expressions and body language of other small children as they exit said ride before you proceed.

Of course it will include a paragraph or two about fighting the urge to tell yourself "It's Snow White!  She's nothing but a cartoon!  It's a child's ride at the happiest place on earth!  It can't possibly be that scary!".  Not to mention a reminder that every Disney movie on earth has some form of tragedy in it.  Wicked stepmothers, children brought up in slavery, evil spells, and don't even get me started on poor Bambi's mother and her untimely death.

Should I have known?  Of course.  Am I that smart?  Of course not.  So poor Hope pays the price and spends the rest of our vacation crying when we get ready to go to the theme parks, and constantly looking over her shoulder for "eebel trees".  Happily ever after, my ass.

There are more highlights, but they all kinda play out like this.  Like the time I finally got Carly to fall asleep in her stroller, only to have that stupid asshole Tigger come bounding past me, lift the sun shade on her stroller and stick his face in hers.  (And so begins a lifetime of character phobia and stranger anxiety.) Frankly, I'm still too exhausted to go into much more detail, since it took us two days to get home due to snow and mechanical problems, but I can't believe I paid all that money to ensure that my children will spend the better part of their adults lives in therapy.  Ryan and I could have done that on our own, dirt cheap. 

Disneyworld, it's not for the young and impressionable.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 17:59 | link | comments (11) |

The other night I had a dream (does that statement make your eyes gloss over like it does mine?  I promise I won't recite the play-by-play) that my family was on 20/20, or some show like it.  Not for anything newsworthy, but just us, sitting around and eating dinner, and occasionaly giving one on one interviews about pretty much nothing.  The next day I visited my blog and there were all these comments from you guys about how you saw us on TV.  One of you said "You were cute but I didn't like that shirt you were wearing."  You have no taste in clothing, unnamed person.

One might conclude that I place way too much importance on myself and my blog, but one might not be entirely correct.  After much thought and a bit of external nagging, I think I've decided that I'm a wee bit worried about putting stuff here on the internet, where it never really goes away, while I'm so very, um, medicated.  One time while on painkillers and maybe some wine I posted something that I still haven't been able to live down. 

What's a girl to do?  Stop blogging?  Stopping overly medicating yourself?  Nah.

I went to Las Vegas and I won an award.  Go me!  It was a business trip, my award wasn't for lap dancing or karaoke or anything silly like that, although it could have been.

I'm going to Disneyworld next week.  The whole fam-damily is going, minus my niece, and Ryan, who are unable to get out of school and work, respectively.   It's going to be so much the oppsosite of fun.

My niece is doing so well, that I've actually hired her to work in my office.  I'm really proud of her.

She wants to get an apartment in the city with two boys, but it's ok, she tried to assure her father, because they are both gay.  He questioned this line of thinking, wondering aloud who does she think he is, Mr. Furley?  She counters that the shirt he's wearing does kind of make him look like he's on his way to the Reagle Beagle.

This is why I love her so.

posted by: AmericanGirl at 14:05 | link | comments (9) |